A shell of a deal

My 22-year-old decided that the stress of starting law school wasn’t quite enough to adequately fuel his adrenaline level, so he decided to propose to his sweetheart of five years last summer, and they are to be married in July.

Well, the scholar asked Mom for help in ring shopping, and luckily for the boy, Mom’s best friend is very good friends with Michael Skanes, owner of Shamrock Jewelry in Baldwinsville. So a couple of weeks ago, the three of us went to look at wedding bands.

I am not the type of person to stand on ceremony, and I tend to rebel against pomp and circumstance. I didn’t really care what kind of band he got, as long as he liked it and as long as the little woman-to-be was happy with it. Well, I was really just there to be the wallet.

I wandered around the store and finally had to visit the ladies’ room.

I reached for the bottle of liquid hand soap and noticed there was something in it that looked like rocks. The bottle was labeled “Liquid Habitats,” and it contained rocks (real) and plants (plastic).

This in itself was amusing, but on closer inspection, I discovered there was a TURTLE IN IT.

Let me pause to tell you I am a reptile nut of the first order, and turtles are my absolute favorite creatures on earth. (Small wonder, as I am from the Turtle Race Capital of the World, Nisswa, Minn. I took first place in 1969 for fastest turtle and again in 1970 for a turtle who didn’t move at all.)

I walked out of the bathroom with the soap and my son said, "Mom, what do you think of this one?"

“I don’t care. Whatever you want is fine, but the soap is going home with me," I replied.

“You can't just leave me without soap,” said an astounded Mr. Skanes.

“Okay, I’ll be right back.”

I flew out to my car and retrieved a bar of homemade red clover tea soap and a bar of rose-scented soap I had just received in the mail via an e-Bay purchase that morning.

The move must have made Mr. Skanes pity the poor boy with the mentally ill mother, because he gave him an incredible deal on the ring.

In the meantime, I've got a soap dispenser with little turtles in it that I can refill with clear liquid soap for 900 million years, because although gold will wear thin over time, plastic products, as everybody knows, will outlive us all.

Reprinted courtesy Eagle Newspapers, Syracuse, New York.